The New mE

Now its 4am. I had talked with him.
everything.
i feel sorry to his girlfren for being the third party in her relationship.
I can feel how a woman feels when their man cheated with another woman.
So I made up my mind.
Be strong, be patient.
This is just a part of my life.
There is hikmah besides all this.
I know I can do it.
Thanx to him. Thanx for the willingness to talk with me n give me explanations.
I feel like im a better person now. Im not feeling lost anymore.
I think I can plan whatever I wanna do. I can manage everything right.
I want to be Filzah again.
Filzah whom is very strong, not sensitive.
Filzah whom is active, talkative, hilarious, and being love by everybody especially :D
I’ll prove it to everybody. I’ll prove it to myself!
Im not a loser.
Im not a loser.
Im not a loser.
Here I come world, im back! (^.^)_\/

Bleed inSide

26february2010.Saturday 2.00am in my messy room.
Ok.lets face the fact.
I WAS DUMPED.
I don’t know my heart fluttered or what.
Im hurt. But I can’t cry. The hurt bleed inside.
Its 2am in the morning now.
Usually I will have a chitty chat with him.almost every night together.
The day we spent together makes me think dat he never has someone else.
But I was fucking shit wrong.
I heard he has someone over there. First he said he chose me.
Then he changed his mind. What a loser.
Im such a loser too. So stupid for accepting him .
Whats wrong with me?what have I did in the past that makes it hard for me to have a boy?
I think I had give my best to be a loyal girlfren. But still..i don’t get the same thing I wish I get.LOYAL.
Im not a relation destroyer! Please. Im not like dat. Im just a victim to a player.
I don’t know wat actually he wants from me.
Miserable. Confuse. Totally destroyed
Even before I know he has a girlfren over there, I did tried to find facts bout relationship.
I try to be strong and be prepared if ever he left me just like that.
I try to find what if I got dumped by him? What if he cheated?
I know someday this thing will happens. its just my instinct. So dat I have a preparation
Myb I should start to use my instinct well. Coz most of the time, I have a good prediction.huhu..
No need to put hope now. I just have to trust myself.
My fren say I should take a move. Coz I don’t look like who I am. Im not a real filzah.
Yeah. I should change. Im starting to get the strength while im writing this.
Day before he dumped me, I asked myself. Is this what I really want?
Destroying other peoples relationship? I don’t wanna be a third person! Its not me!
Yes I do love him so much. But I cant just let things be like this.
Please everybody around me…help me..im lost in me.
I dunno what to say rite now. Empty mind .to be continue.

homestay!! \(^_^)/

Sawadikaaa~~

rabu lepas smp sabtu, ak telah menjoinkan diri ke homestay..

objektif utama, ak malas nk dengar bebelan ayah klo lepak kt umah sepanjang cuti ni..hehe..

then lagi satu, sbb nk kenal ngan budak2 international..


homestay tu sgt menyeronok kn... bak kate org jepon..tanoshikatta desu~!

ade laa kurang nye dari segi aktiviti yg pihak homestay sediakan..

tp..kitorg tetap enjoy ourselves..

dpt kenal budak2 libya, iran, iraq, yemen, saudi arabia, somalia n thailand...mmg satu pengalaman yg menyeronokkan..

ak bersyukur ak pergi..

dpt kembangkan ilmu...

dpt kwan2 baru...

jom kenal2 ngan kengkawan baru aku..

eh first skali..ni mak abah angkat ku..



encik Salimin n Puan Siti Fatma..mereka sgt best..abah sgt terer main alat muzik..

kt umah tu je ade segale jenis gitar termasuk Fender..

ade drum set..

keyboard..amplifier dan bermacam2 lagi..

leh buat laa band klo dtg umah tuu..

kitorg siap bleh njoy abah jamming lagi..pergh...dahsyat bukan? haha

yg ni pulak adik bradik angkat ak mase kt sane..

kitorg diprovide kn bertiga ntok setiap family..


Dari kiri: Lyn (shah Alam), Sathinee( Thailand), dan aku..



mamat tinggi ni nama dy abdul Ghadir dari Libya.


bersama tinee..



jiran blakang umah kami..Cher, Nadia dan Jannah




papehal pon..kami enjoy ngan kerjasama semua~~!



kesimpulan: objektif utama telah tercapai..haha

Chicken run~~

weeeee~~~~

smalam aku kene jadi driver mak n ayah ntok balik melaka..

sepupu ku Miza terima duit belanja dari tunang dy..

something like dat nye procedure yg perlukan org tua cm bapa ku..

mase kt kampung..

ramai gak mak sedare serta sepupu sepapat ku yg dtg..

adik2 sepupu duk tnye aku bile lak lagi nk join miza..

yela..miza kn same umor ngan aku..

theeheehee...tu tanye Mr.Dash k..haha..

pastu...selesai sudah majlis..

ayah singgah umah akak beliau..

nak ambil ayam, kate ayah..

ak blur..

smp2..mak sedare ak dh ready nk p tgkap anak ayam..

tangkap punye tangkap,

dapatlah kami 3 ekor anak ayam...

sekor jantan..

dua ekor tine..

smp umah..

ayah kate..

ok korang amik sorang sekor..

buat cm anak angkat..letak nama n jage sendiri...

aku pon semangat je pilih..(abg2 ak cm x excited je...haha)

ak excited laa...

sbb..

mne penah dlm idop ak bela ayam :(

so ak pilih yg betina..

dan nama dy ak letak awe..

haha...ni idea awin...kredit to her :D

ni gbr awe :D



semoga kamu membesar dgn baik ye Awe :D

Aku perlukanNya~

banyak benda jdi dalam hidup aku.

pahit manis semua bercampur..

selalunye...

bile ade masalah...

aku selalu down..

kadang2...

aku fikir..dunia ni xadil..

dan bile datang kewarasan aku semula...

aku tahu..aku sedar...aku salah kn Tuhan bile ak cakap dunia ni xadil.

Astaghfirullahalazim...

makin dewasa ni..kadang2, mcm2 yg pengaruh minda aku...hati aku..perasaan aku...

dan selalunya aku jadi kalut ntok buat sesuatu keputusan..

dan kadang2..keputusan ak buat tu salah...

perbualan pnjang ngan adik mlm td, sedikit sebanyak membuka minda aku..

menjerut perasaan aku..

aku dh banyak alpa..

aku lupe..

lupe nk sedar yg dunia ni bukan milik ak..

yg dunia ni ade Pencipta nya...

ak terjumpa pula lagu ni...

n lagu ni pon di garab dari blog adik aku tu..thanx d1...

lagu ni sgt2 membuat kn ak tersentap..dan terfikir kembali tentang motif ak hidup dlm dunia ni..



tersentuh dengan lagu ni..tambah pula dengan ulasan seorang saudara y baru memeluk Islam..
hayati..

beri kan aku masa...

yg Terlewatkan...

pagi td bangun lewat -.-"

dh janji nan yana nk pegi taklimat homestay...

lepas kucuba menggagahkan diri...berjaya gak aa smp kt tmpt taklimat

setengah jam terlewat..huhuhu...

seb bek diorang pon ngah de problem n taklimat pon lom stat lagi...

pastu...dlm kul 10.20, ak gerak g fakulti lak...

ade class jepun..

smp2, bru ak tahu hritu ade kuiz:(

kecewa...ak xstudy pape!!!!

dalam kecewa2 tu..ak still leh tersenyum...:D

sebab pe tau:))

sebab ttbe ak jadi rebutan beberapa grup dlm kelas jepun tu..

kehkehkeh..

dengar derang berbalah nk ak msuk grup derang tu yg klaka...

ayat2 xbleh blah...

tp xperlu laa ak mention ayat2 mereka kat kt sini..huhu


hmmm...

pastu, jwab laa test ngan kehampaan...

pastu blaja cm bese...

pas class, ak g seksyen 2...

nak amik fatim..beliau nk tido umah liza n the geng...

mse ak lalu kt kawasan perumahan seksyen 2 tu...

scenery tuu mengingatkan ak pade scenery kt...

raub...

kat kg mak..

mase tu laa ak teringat atok...

eh...atok dh xde ..hati ak bkate...

dh dekat 2minggu atok pergi...

atok je laa orang yg paling tua kitorg ade dlm family..

lepas atok, ak dh xde dh atok atau nenek lagi..

ntah nape, ak ase kosong..ase sedih..

nnt balik kg,

dh xde atok dh yg duduk kt krusi tepi pintu..

dh xde dh atok yg tepuk2 blakang dy sebab ase nyamuk gigit badan dy..

dh xde dh atok yg gulung2 rokok daun walopon dalam dy xde tembakau...

dh xdengar dh suara atok tnye kabar kami dan crite2 sensasi...

sume xde..

mesti raya pon dh xde seri...

Ak istighfar.

sesungguhnya Allah lebih menyayangi beliau..

semoga rohnya dicucuri Rahmat yg Esa.

Al-fatihah~

SeTiap mingGu pon mAsaK~

ye adik2 sume..bertemu lagi kite pade hari dan tarikh serta waktu yg xsame, dlm rncangan........


"Mari menghancurkan resepi Kita"

ceh...

dramatik laa sgt tajuk....

meh nk story pe ku buat hrini..sje nk share2..

xnak bace jgn skroll ke bawah k...

pg tadi, sperti biasa ade kelas kitchen...

bezanya hrini...

ada theory test :(

ak cm xtahu pape pon..

men bedal je jawab...

xpe laa..let go je..

mls nk pk...

hehe...(sbenanye cm fedup nan culinary..smp ase nk tuka minor...)

whatever it is..

pe menu kitorg harini..???

cm sedap laa ak ase..

teruja je bile tgk lecturer tulis nama menu kt whiteboard...huuuuu \(^.^)/

yg pertama...

Battenburg


kek ni istimewa dy sbb bentuk dy berwarne warni....
pastu antara layer2 tu letak jem..
kengkawan ak yg duk decorate benda alah berbunga n lapisan warne kuning tuu...
ak tukang bancuh sponge cake jew..kekekeke...
sume kene bebel ngan lecurer sbb xreti buat bunga...

yg kedua...

Tiramisu

cake ni korang dh officially tahu kn kek ni cmne...
so mls nk cite lebey2...lalalala

yg ketiga..

oh blum yg ketiga...kehkehkeh...selame diorg buat decoration ntok battenburg, ni laa keje aku....



kemudian terhasil laa lgi dua kek2 ni....

Swiss Blackforest


dan....

Chocolate Ganache



dis cakes mmg delicious scrumptious bagai..

aloh, bertambah berat laa badan ak ni...:(

yg best sket, xde laa pressure sgt....lecturer xbape bebel...

sket2 je...ak leh trime lagi nan senyuman :D


ok dats all for this week....

next week xde class...\(^.^)/
sbb cuti mid term...weeeeeee~~~