DONT READ EXCEPT IF U R MY FAMILY

I look back on the footprint I’ve left again and again
Thinking “Where is ‘me’ now?”
I scooped up the dead leaves in my arms
And drew my dreams on the window with my numb fingertips

I have wings but I can’t fly
I’m afraid of being alone, it’s too painful
We’re leaving behind those days of cuddling in the gentle sun
And walking on to our lonely dreams

When it comes to our real selves, we get off track, get confused
And think it’s made up by other people’s words
We’ll take hold of our natural weakness and the strength to face it
And start running to tomorrow for the first time

i remember back the time when i was still an innocent child.
how dad n mom taught us about life. about Islam.
but then the more i grew, the environment changed rapidly.
from the boarding school, to matrix life, to university life.
all of the three phases has come out with different experience.
how i start to know love. to know guys habit. fashion. music.
life is too complicated too unfold
still, a mystery to me.

when ure happy, n comfortable with what u have now, u will be given new adventure.
the memories of my childhood still spinning like a movie in my mind rite now..
so many experiences to be note here, but i dunno how to describe every single pieces of those memories.
no matter how hard my life was, i still feel grateful.
for that experience, i know life.
for the tough experience, i am now are strong enough to face more.
for those sweet memories, i am taught to cherish myself during sorrow fill up my mind.

now. the more i grew older, those hardship came to distract my normal activity.
recently, i was so down with the broken-heart-matter.
when im starting to get new spirit, another matter pop up.
at that time.
i cant do anything.
all i can do is doa.
i pray that this person i love the most, trust me.

To dad..

im changed, dad..
i need ur trust..
let me go..
i want to travel..
im not the old ija..
its my dream to see so many places.
i want to travel all over the world.
i cant do well if i aint got ur bless..
please understand me..
dun mad at mum because of me..
its my decision.
not other people.
i want to learn more bout life at other people place.
please..
if ur not the one who bless me, then who else??
i really need the support from my own family.
if not all of u, who else will?
dun made me like im 6..
i noe all the mistakes i made before.
but im wise enough to think now.
trust me.
i only can pray that Allah open ur heart.
to bless me so dat i can achieve all my dreams with blessing.
if u read this..
i want u to know..

i love u n mom so much..
so damn much..
that nothing could change it.

Love,
daughter,
FILZAHKASSIM