Saturday, February 27, 2010

Bleed inSide

26february2010.Saturday 2.00am in my messy room.
Ok.lets face the fact.
I don’t know my heart fluttered or what.
Im hurt. But I can’t cry. The hurt bleed inside.
Its 2am in the morning now.
Usually I will have a chitty chat with him.almost every night together.
The day we spent together makes me think dat he never has someone else.
But I was fucking shit wrong.
I heard he has someone over there. First he said he chose me.
Then he changed his mind. What a loser.
Im such a loser too. So stupid for accepting him .
Whats wrong with me?what have I did in the past that makes it hard for me to have a boy?
I think I had give my best to be a loyal girlfren. But still..i don’t get the same thing I wish I get.LOYAL.
Im not a relation destroyer! Please. Im not like dat. Im just a victim to a player.
I don’t know wat actually he wants from me.
Miserable. Confuse. Totally destroyed
Even before I know he has a girlfren over there, I did tried to find facts bout relationship.
I try to be strong and be prepared if ever he left me just like that.
I try to find what if I got dumped by him? What if he cheated?
I know someday this thing will happens. its just my instinct. So dat I have a preparation
Myb I should start to use my instinct well. Coz most of the time, I have a good prediction.huhu..
No need to put hope now. I just have to trust myself.
My fren say I should take a move. Coz I don’t look like who I am. Im not a real filzah.
Yeah. I should change. Im starting to get the strength while im writing this.
Day before he dumped me, I asked myself. Is this what I really want?
Destroying other peoples relationship? I don’t wanna be a third person! Its not me!
Yes I do love him so much. But I cant just let things be like this.
Please everybody around me…help lost in me.
I dunno what to say rite now. Empty mind .to be continue.

1 comment:

ashira asila said...

we all alwez wif u dear....
u not alone k...
ppepn yg tjd de hikmahye...d0nt b giv up dear..u r da strong pers0n..i kn0w u..
n u da poyo gurl also..hikhik..
syg ko la filzah!!!ngee~ : )